Freaky Fridays ~ Calm Down, Please!

Freaky Fridays imageOver 10 years ago I discovered Find-a-Grave by accident. I was immediately hooked. I loved the idea of seeing tombstones for the ancestors in Cemeteries that I may never be able to go and visit. Over the years I have taken thousands of photos and I have also added hundreds of memorials. Also, over the years I have asked for and received control over memorials that belong to my ancestors.

A couple of weeks ago, I got a message from someone through my facebook-logopersonal Facebook page. My personal page and my Find-a-Grave account have the same name on it and this person did a search for me. They were very upset about one of the memorials I had transferred to me 10 years ago. They started out asking me why I had their Grandfathers’ memorial and accused me of putting the wrong wife and kids’ names on it. They were very rude about it, implicating that I messed up their family on purpose.


It took a few messages back and forth before I could even figure out what they were talking about. First, they didn’t tell me the name of the person on the memorial, just a long list of the children. When I finally got them to give me the main person’s name, I finally realized it was my Aunts’ husbands name. So, I looked at the memorial and there I saw the names that were listed as my Uncles parents. It was wrong! However, the rest of the information was correct.

The problem was, when it was transferred to me so long ago, first IConfusedEmoji never paid attention to what names were already there. I just added his and my Aunts’ children to it and never went back to it. Apparently, whoever originally created it didn’t know anything about the family, so they inserted the first names that came up in a search. My Uncle did have a pretty popular name back in the very early 1900s. Also, at the time I had not researched my Aunt’s husband yet. I deleted the erroneous information and told the person I had corrected it.

I was just stunned that they could be that rude. I believe if they started out telling me which memorial it was and explaining that some of the information was wrong, it would have been less stressful for both of us. I know this happens quite often on Ancestry when someone believes you are wrong about some type of information you placed on your tree. But this was a first for me!


I am a professional genealogist, writer, photographer, wife, mother, and grandma. I have two books available on Your Family History: Doing It Right the First Time and Planning Your Genealogy Research Trip. You can also connect with me via Facebook or Twitter.

11 thoughts on “Freaky Fridays ~ Calm Down, Please!

  1. It’s really unfortunate that people have to be so rude. I don’t know what it is about Find A Grave that brings out the worst in people. But you took the high ground and handled it well. 🙂

  2. You never know who writes and what their intention is. Kindness is always appreciated, though. I do enjoy using and have suggested some memorial edits as well.

  3. Really, there isn’t any excuse for someone to approach this problem in that manner. You handled it well, though. I am not sure I’ve worked out the best way to approach someone about incorrect information on FAG or Ancestry. I won’t even bother with the mess that is Family Search family tree. Eek!!😱

    1. Eilene, I agree, Family Search is a nightmare! I gave up on it a long time ago. Thanks for saying I handled it well, My first thought wasn’t that way though. When I ask for a change I usually start by letting the person know my relationship to the ancestor, then I tell them my information differs from theirs and could we share our documention with each other so we can figure out which is correct. This usually works pretty well.

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